The Hudson Common Council has announced that it will attach a rider to its recently-proposed Soak The Nonprofits bill.
Motioned by Alderman Friedman and seconded by Alderman Donahue, this far-sighted rider would henceforth and forever ban the use of all forms of Math in the Council chambers.
In the first of 17 (or possibly 13, or 19) Whereas clauses, the bill defines “Math” as “Any and all of that useless gibberish that Teacher tried to force down our throats in school, including but hardly limited to everything from simple sums to those differential thingamajobbers.”
Both the bill and the new rider look to have a strong chance of passage, having garnered support from both the Council’s DINO Tea Party faction and its ascendant Hemp Caucus.
Much like the bill itself, which would generate little meaningful revenue and appear to do virtually nothing to save the City from its free-spending ways, the rider would be a mostly symbolic act.
In point of fact, no City official of any ideological stripe has been so foolish as to attempt Mathematics in the chambers since the dark day when then-Treasurer Pryshlak unwisely attempted long division with a blunt carpenter’s pencil, touching off The Panic of ’94.
More details to follow as they emerge on this breaking story.
